New hire has lunch alone in park, gets criticized by manager for not eating in breakroom instead: 'It is starting to read as not being interested in the team'

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  • A man uses his laptop while sitting on a park bench and holding a sandwich.
  • Told that eating lunch alone is hurting how I'm perceived

    I have been at my first corporate job since March. I'm an analyst on a small team in an open plan office, about 20 feet from the break room.
  • I take lunch at 12:30 and I usually walk to the park two blocks over and eat there. If it's raining I eat at my desk with headphones on. It is the only quiet half hour I get all day and I have started looking forward to it by about 11.
    via Responsiblegfxx
  • In my check-in yesterday my manager brought up visibility. She said a few people have noticed I don't eat in the break room, and that it is starting to read as me not being interested in the team.
    via Responsiblegfxx
  • The boss was concerned with their reputation.

    I asked if it was affecting my work. She said no, my work is fine. She said this is more about how I'm perceived, and that perception matters when review season comes around.
    via Responsiblegfxx
  • She was not unkind in how she put it. She framed it as her looking out for me and I think that is genuinely what she was doing. But I have spent a whole day now feeling strange about the fact that where I eat a sandwich has made it into a performance conversation. Nobody has ever said anything to me directly, it all came through her.
    via Responsiblegfxx
  • So is this just normal corporate advice that I should quietly take? Or is this how it starts, where I eat in the break room three days a week and then next quarter it turns into something else? I don't want to be difficult six months in. I also don't especially want to give up the only part of the day that's actually mine.
    via Responsiblegfxx
  • Employees socialize and prepare coffee in a break room with board games on the tables.
  • It seemed like an unnecessary critique.

    VFTM Isn't it wonderful when the only feedback your manager can give you is suggestions to be fake and artificial during your unpaid time?
    via VFTM
  • Archimediator I get where your manager is coming from in that when it's time for your performance review, she may reach out to colleagues for an assessment. Unfortunately, people who like you socially are more likely to give you a good assessment. It really s ks, but it is
    via Archimediator
  • the way the world works sometimes. I'm very introverted so I do not eat lunch with coworkers every single day but I try to be open to it occasionally. You don't have to do this but it just gives you some social insulation and protection.
    via Archimediator
  • They needed to think about what the details of the situation might be.

    serenityandlove It sounds like your company may have calibration during performance reviews where other leaders can challenge your ratings given to you by your boss and change it. I work in a Fortune 500 company and this is why optics and getting to know people matter.
    via serenityandlove
  • TheBestGhost As someone who navigated the corporate landscape for 33 years I would tell you to grin and bear it and lean into this and start eating and engaging with your coworkers. The reason being is your manager is your touchstone into the corporation and unless you have an executive mentor
    via TheBestGhost
  • your manager is all you have and you have to cultivate that relationship, and sometimes acquiesce to stupidity. All this to say engage and eat with your coworkers and then in a few weeks pull your manager aside and thank her for the advice and tell her that she was right and that it meant a lot to you to know that she was looking out for you.
    via TheBestGhost
  • It wasn't fair what they boss had told them.

    xoxkxox I hate that people are feeding into what your boss said. I'm the minority. We should normalize wanting alone time during our own time. Some people it's how we decompress and feel fresh after our break to continue trekking the already long work days. As long as
    via xoxkxox
  • we show up, do our job, and are kind/respectful to everyone at work that should be enough.
    via xoxkxox
  • Inner_Business2279 Where you eat your lunch is a performance metric now?
    via Inner_Business2279
  • This was one of the bad parts of working culture.

    Adorable_Ad4990 This office culture must end. Discriminatory to those of us on the spectrum or just introverted who manage to perform perfectly, but need down time. Offices are toxic now, built only for extroverts but also the only way to get a job with benefits in the US
    via Adorable_Ad4990
  • MyGruffaloCrumble Your peers aren't the ones writing your performance evaluation... this is all about your manager and their perceptions.
    via MyGruffaloCrumble
  • MrTastyCake Unfortunately, "fitting in" can be a thing in corporate offices. It's not always about the work itself. If everyone in your team is eating in the break room except you, you will get singled out at some point.
    via MrTastyCake

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